Frying An Egg: Perspective

Frying an egg. 

According to Google sources, it takes 4 minutes to fry an egg. 

Yesterday morning, Millie wanted an egg for breakfast.  She loves being involved in the kitchen and wants to “help” whenever something is happening.  So, naturally I pulled her learning stool over to the counter near the oven.  Not long into our 4-minute endeavor, Millie was growing impatient.  At 2, the understanding of time and the concept of patience aren’t exactly mastered.

I was frustrated too.  We have fried an egg together so many times and she does know this process, so why today was she so impatient? Why was she waving the spatula around like a crazy lady when we just put the egg into the pan?  Just as I had this thought, I realized that I had done a few things differently in the process.  While small changes, they made a difference to her and her perception of the sequence of events. I totally get why she was impatient and jumping to the next step because I had changed, without meaning to, how we were “frying an egg”.  Yet, in this moment, it occurred to me that many of us get impatient or lose sight while “frying an egg”.

Okay, I know what you are thinking…. It’s official, she has lost her marbles.

But come on friend, hear me out for a moment.

There are so many things that this analogy could apply to, however with all of the uncertainty and change surrounding the typical winds that August brings of back to school, I couldn’t help but see this analogy playing out in front of me.

Think of going back to school as “frying an egg”.  We all know what that typically looks like for us.  Whether you are a student, parent, a teacher, support staff, bus driver, etc. this situation looks a certain way normally for each of us.  Just like Millie knew the process that “frying an egg” would normally entail, we are all in a situation where “frying an egg” doesn’t look like it typically does.  However, we have two choices, just like Millie and I did this morning. 

Option 1.  We can choose to be focused on only our perspective.  We can be frustrated, angry, upset, and wondering why this process isn’t going the way that our perspective and expectations say it should go.  We can let the way we feel and the opinions we have about it impact us daily.  We can let it consume us, we can let the what if parade take over, and we can lose sleep wondering why we couldn’t just “fry an egg” and be done with it.

We can not only let it affect and consume ourselves, but that can in turn have an impact on our children and those around us.  We can be so lost in the change and the effects that it will have on ourselves and our family that we lose sight of why the changes are happening.  We live in a culture that has normalized the pity party; the woe is me mentality.  It is so easy (and I have been there so many times myself) to allow our minds to get stuck in this trap and to set up camp on This Is The Worst Mountain. 

OR

Option 2.  We can choose to view different perspectives. 

We can understand that government officials, all levels of leaders, and administrators have never navigated something like this before.  We can realize that they are making decisions to the best of their ability, with the most up to date knowledge and information from experts in the field.  We can try to understand the incredible weight that administration and school board members are under across the state and our nation.  Can you imagine, just for one second, that pressure?  Can you imagine knowing the fall out that could occur if the health and safety of the students, faculty, and families in your care isn’t prioritized?  Can you imagine the burden of navigating the many different regulations, mandates, and legal challenges? Can you imagine worrying about the community, tax payers, and knowing that the effects of the decisions that you may make or have to make based on legalities etc. will have far reaching impacts? Can you imagine, at the same time, knowing that no matter what you do or what decision you make, not everyone will be happy?  Can you then imagine the weight of knowing that if people aren’t happy and choose to enroll their children in cyber schools not directly offered by your district, the cost to the district will be crippling? Can you imagine knowing that the weight of that cost could then directly impact the programs and services you offer and even the number of students in a class down the road? Can you imagine, for just a moment, sitting in that seat?  How do you think you might feel if you developed plans and procedures, only to get information from the state that would then completely change those plans and send you back to square one? If we could slow down, press pause, and put ourselves into different shoes, maybe we could collectively get through this together.  Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t have to be so emotionally and mentally taxing.  Perhaps, we could offer each other grace and understanding, know that we are all just trying to “fry an egg” and want to keep everyone safe while always keeping the kids at the forefront of our minds. 

We can choose to view different perspectives. 

We can understand that teachers, support staff, and bus drivers have also never navigated something like this before.  We can realize that they are not the ones making decisions, but are some of the ones the decision will affect.  We can try to understand how some may be anxious to just jump right into the classroom, while others are terrified that their underlying health conditions make them higher risk.  We can understand that many of them are advocating what is best for their students, while also knowing that they were never trained or prepared to handle anything even remotely like this.  We can try and put ourselves into the bus drivers’ shoes, for maybe more or longer routes than normal.  Can you imagine the importance of this job?  Not only are you responsible for safely getting the students in your care to the school building each day, but now you must ensure that multiple layers of protocol are followed while also driving safely.  We can try and understand how support staff feels, knowing that the way their day to day lives looked in the school building is about to change drastically, while having limited input or knowledge about any of those details.  We can consider the teacher shortage that is affecting the state and nation.  We can understand that the number of substitute teachers in recent years has been increasingly limited.  It has been normal for teachers to not have a substitute teacher and districts have had to come up with plans for when this occurs, daily.  Can you imagine administrators and school board officials worries about not having enough teachers to fill spots if people are sick or worried about their health or their family’s health?  Did you realize that teachers are specialized and certified by the state in a certain grade level range and/or subject area?  This means, that despite a district having a certain number of teachers, the teachers legally cannot just teach any child, making it challenging for a district to make class sizes smaller.  If we could slow down, press pause, and put ourselves into different shoes, maybe we could collectively get through this together.  Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t have to be so emotionally and mentally taxing.  Perhaps, we could offer each other grace and understanding, know that we are all just trying to “fry an egg” and want to keep everyone safe while always keeping the kids at the forefront of our minds. 

We can choose to view different perspectives. 

We can understand that parents have never navigated something like this before.  We can realize that for some families, they are absolutely terrified to send their students to school.  They, or someone in their family, may have underlying health conditions or be at an increased risk.  They are worried about the protocols that will be different and the ways that their child’s life will be impacted as “frying an egg” is so much different than ever before.  We can also realize that for some families, they have been trying to navigate being at home or working from home while also trying to help their child learn at home.  We can understand that this has been downright HARD and no one was prepared to make this sudden switch.  We can realize that some parents need their kids to go back to school, some parents have to go to work, and some families aren’t able to stay home with their kids.  We can accept that this looks different for every single family.  We can acknowledge that it is okay for parents to be worried about their child heading back to school and what that might look like.  We can also acknowledge that it is okay for parents to want their child to head back to school and to not be excited about virtual learning.  Can you imagine the worry when you know your child and family and every aspect of your life will be impacted by decisions and mandates that are totally out of your control?  Can you imagine the stress that parents are under trying to make a living but also worrying about the education their child is receiving?  Can you imagine the concern knowing that their young child is going to have to keep a mask on, at least to some extent, but knowing you won’t be there to ensure that they do?  Can you imagine knowing that you have to go to work and wondering how on earth you are going to figure out childcare and logistics and virtual learning if you can’t be with them all day?  If we could slow down, press pause, and put ourselves into different shoes, maybe we could collectively get through this together.  Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t have to be so emotionally and mentally taxing.  Perhaps, we could offer each other grace and understanding, know that we are all just trying to “fry an egg” and want to keep everyone safe while always keeping the kids at the forefront of our minds. 

We can choose to view different perspectives. 

We can understand that students have never navigated something like this before.  We can realize that there are seniors in high school who will potentially have a very different year than they have been hoping and dreaming about for some time (just as the class of 2020).  We can understand that the same goes for transition grades…. Kids just heading to preschool, prekindergarten, kindergarten for the first time.  We can understand that kids leaving elementary to middle or middle to high school in transition years will have a very different experience than classes before them.  We can realize that for even the smallest people in our lives, all of this change, uncertainty, and for lack of a better word, chaos has impacted them too, far more than we may even realize.  We can acknowledge that there are students who are eager to go back to school, who don’t care about the changes because they just want to see their friends and teachers and be back in a routine.  At the same time, we can acknowledge that there are students who are scared to go back to school, who are incredibly anxious about being away from their family when they have been home since March.  We can understand that there are students who don’t like and won’t want to wear a mask.  We can understand that there are students who will be very distracted by all of these changes.  We can realize that out of all of us, the kids are the ones that this impacts the very most, and they have absolutely no input into any of it.  At young ages, they have had even less life experience, potentially less experience on developing coping skills to navigate these types of changes, and are watching us, every moment of this pandemic.  We can realize that children learn by observation and whatever reaction we have to what is going on around us, whatever decision we make in trying to “fry an egg” will be what they believe is the right way to respond.  If we could slow down, press pause, and put ourselves into different shoes, maybe we could collectively get through this together.  Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t have to be so emotionally and mentally taxing.  Perhaps, we could offer each other grace and understanding, know that we are all just trying to “fry an egg” and want to keep everyone safe while always keeping the kids at the forefront of our minds. 

Because my friends, here is the thing… just like when you fry an egg, back to school is coming, one way or another.  Just like when you put the egg in the frying pan, the egg will cook.  It may take longer than the four minutes if the heat isn’t at a certain temperature or if there is another variable effecting its cooking.  No matter how long it takes or how different it looks, once that egg hits the frying pan it will cook.  While Millie and I were cooking, I had the prior experience, some understanding of patience (laugh, go ahead and laugh), and the knowledge of how long four minutes is.  This allowed me to remain patient while we waited and navigated the frying of the egg.  However, for Millie, she didn’t have these skills and was frustrated when things weren’t meeting her expectations.  She couldn’t understand why this was different than times before or why she couldn’t have a say or do it her way.  At the end of the day, we all want what’s best for the kids.  We may have different opinions on what that looks like.  We may all disagree on how to best meet the needs of everyone, while following mandates and protocols and trying to keep everyone safe.  This school year will probably be a lot different than the beginning of school years in the past.  But, at the end of the day, the moral of the story is: we can only control what we can control.  For most of us, the only part of this equation we can control is how we react to what is happening around us. 

Personally, I want to choose Option 2.  As much as I relate in so many ways to the frustration, anxiety of the unknown, worry, and concern about Option 1 and the decisions that will directly impact me and my family that I have little say in, I know that won’t get me anywhere because I’m already in the frying pan.  Back to school is already under way.  While I have two options, I’m going to try and choose Option 2, every day.  I’m going to try and slow down, press pause, and put myself into different shoes, with the hope that maybe we could collectively get through this together.  Maybe, just maybe, it won’t be so emotionally and mentally taxing.  Perhaps, I could offer others grace and understanding, knowing that we are all just trying to “fry an egg” and want to keep everyone safe while always keeping the students and their families at the forefront of my mind. 

I know that choosing Option 2 won’t always be easy and I know that I will fall into the trap of Woe is Me and get stuck on This Is The Worst Mountain from time to time.  However, if I can keep pressing pause, maybe, just maybe it will serve me and give me the ability to best serve those around me.  Maybe, just maybe, it will mean that Millie will understand what pressing pause looks like and for her this will be her automatic reaction, instead of having to fight so hard to get there like I sometimes do.  If I could give her that precious gift of peace and ability to find perspective and give grace amidst the chaos, that would be more than enough for me.

Here’s to pursuing a present, simple life by living intently and always remembering what matters and what doesn’t.  Remember to give yourself grace and permission to enjoy the journey.  I’m always in your corner, cheering you on, and pulling for you friend!

With love always, Madison