Cheers to 2021
Unpopular opinion… Don’t make a New Year’s Resolution.
Okay, okay, I know… but hear me out on this one okay?
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to improve, wanting to be a better version of yourself, or wanting to crush a new goal. These are all great aspirations, but they can all happen any day, at any moment. There is no need to wait until a new calendar year is upon us to decide that you’d like to make a change. If resolutions work for you and you look forward to knocking it out of the park every year, YOU GO FRIEND! I am sincerely, super happy for you! For me though, they don’t work and here’s why…
For years I have been running from myself. I have written about it before, but the harsh reality is that I always felt if I just kept moving, I was moving in the right direction… right? Wrong.
Just like most other people, 2020 hasn’t always been kind to me. In fact, if I am being completely honest with you right now, it has rocked me to my core in ways that I am sure I won’t ever publicly want to disclose. I learned this year that it is possible for me to be still… but I won’t like it. I learned this year that I have the coping skills of a carrot if I am not able to busy myself, to do something, to help someone, to just keep moving.
I learned this year that burying things down real deep hurts you ten-fold later, and if you are anything like me, when the bomb goes off not only will it hurt you in the deepest ways possible, it will also hurt those you love the most. If you’re lucky, those people love you a heck of a lot more than you deserve and are still standing there when the dust clears… despite them wanting to run for the hills.
I learned this year that time isn’t a friend to anyone. None of us know how much time we have or don’t. At any moment, life as we know it could change and alter our lives forever. Even when things are tough or hard, we don’t know what is around the next bend. Don’t waste time wishing that you could have something else, you just might look back and realize you had everything you needed but now it is gone.
I learned this year that I have way more areas to grow in than I care to admit and it’s okay not to have any of it figured out. It’s the showing up, every day, even when it is hard that counts. It doesn’t matter if you are falling apart under the surface, what does matter is that you take care of yourself. You can only pour into others if you are okay first. Eventually, the well runs dry… and that’s not a place I want to live. I can’t be the woman, wife, mother, friend, teacher, etc. that I want to be if there’s never anything left for me… I have to find ways to recharge, reflect, and refill to be able to be there for anyone else.
I learned this year that your own worth doesn’t lie in anyone else’s hands… and gosh, that is one that I know I will still be relearning over and over again. I struggle with this one, always have. I learned that no matter what your intentions are and no matter what the truth is, other people will have their own perceptions, their own interpretations, and draw their own conclusions… none of which you can control. Sometimes, even when it is hard, there is no point in trying to prove your point, or trying to make sure that you are understood. Even when you know you hold the truth, sometimes that just has to be enough. Your story is your story. It happened, it is all meaningful, if we let it be. No matter how others may want to tell it, no matter what pieces they think aren’t important, or no matter what their interpretation may be… the story has to be enough for you and only you. It is yours, after all.
I learned this year that sometimes people aren’t who we think they are. The tribe we think will be there, may end up absent. The people we think we are supposed to lean on, may not have anything to hold you up because it is taking all that they have to keep themselves afloat. The ones who want to be in your life will keep trying to show up, even when it is difficult, even when there is no book to guide them, and even when they have no idea how to support you… somehow, they will still be there and that is enough. Sometimes, people want to be there for you, but need time themselves… and that’s okay too.
I learned this year that so often we set ourselves up for disaster. We set unreachable goals, we have expectations that crush the present moments that we would have enjoyed without expectation, and we steamroll the little day in and day out moments to try and make something “memory worthy”. Which is why, I am not setting a resolution for 2021. Instead, I am challenging myself to do something more meaningful… to get uncomfortable. I have no doubt that 2021 will still bring challenges my way. I have no idea what the future has in store, but I do know that there are rocky times ahead. I know that there is darkness in the not-so-distant future that will rock me, just as… if not worse, than 2020 has. So, instead of setting a New Year’s Resolution, I am making a promise to myself.
My promise to myself for the year 2021:
I promise to have grit, but also give myself grace. I promise to pause and savor the moments, the little ones, the mundane ones, and look for the magic that lies in just being alive. I promise to show up, even when it is hard and to know that rough days do not mean that I am failing or doing anything wrong. I promise to give myself the love that I so freely give to everyone else and stop making myself the last on the list. I promise to grow over the next 365 days, to embrace all that I am, and to meet myself wherever I am and let that be enough. I promise to not beat myself up when I struggle with any of these promises. I promise to stop apologizing so much when it isn’t necessary. I promise not to shrink myself to what fits anyone else’s standards, but to live up to who I was meant to be. I promise to remember to show up as my authentic self, with genuine intentions, without fear of anyone else’s thoughts or perceptions. I promise not to torture myself with coulda, shoulda, woulda’s and to know that sometimes things happen for a reason, even if we don’t understand it at the time. I promise to read this promise, each morning, and to greet each new day with hope and opportunity no matter what lies on the road ahead.
No matter what the year 2021 will hold for any of us, I hope that you find peace in meeting yourself where you are on your journey. If you set a new year’s resolution, and two weeks into January fall off the wagon, give yourself grace and get back on. If you realize that resolutions aren’t your thing and you want to focus on a word for the year, give it a shot. If you feel completely wiped out with the last 365 days and don’t feel super hopeful for what is coming ahead… know that that is okay too, but don’t let yourself live there. Focus on the good, look forward with gratitude, and remember you are enough. Even when things are rough, even when you feel less than, even when you feel like you just don’t measure up, even when you forget and place your worth in someone else’s hands or eyes… take a moment to pause and let yourself be enough. Friend, the world needs your spark, needs you… just exactly how you are and who you were called to be. Don’t change that for anyone else, meet yourself where you are and give yourself grace on the journey.
No resolutions for me, just doing the best that I can, exactly where I am.
Here’s to pursuing a present, simple life by living intently and always remembering what matters and what doesn’t. Remember to give yourself grace and permission to enjoy the journey. I’m always in your corner, cheering you on, and pulling for you friend!
With love always, Madison
