Be Vulnerable, Dare Greatly
“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; It’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”
- Brené Brown
I have been quiet. I’d like to say that it was a logistical thing… Finishing a Master’s program, raising a toddler, living through a pandemic, etc. However, that would be a lie. When I initially started the blog, it was because I thoroughly enjoyed writing. I enjoyed the connection that it gave me to others. I quickly realized that sharing and being open gave others the ability to see that not everything on social media is how it seems, everyone simply has a highlight reel, and being vulnerable and authentic could help someone more than I know. When I started the blog what I never could have imagined was the negatives… and how it may affect me. I hadn’t considered how I would feel about my vulnerability being used against me. I hadn’t considered the things that being vulnerable would stir up… things that I had been trying to bury deeply and ignore for a long time.
Over the last two years, probably truly since having Millie, I’ve been on a journey for myself, internally. Having a child adds a whole new lens on life and it made me realize that there were things I needed to sort through, that I had buried for years, that I no longer wanted to carry, in order to be the best me for Millie. Throughout that process, it became abundantly clear… not all battles, not all journeys, not all stories are meant to be broadcasted publicly. Not all of our stories will be heard, not all of our intentions will be seen, and I am often reminded of the quote above that I started this post with from Brené Brown.
So many of us (myself included more often than I would like), go through life subconsciously trying to control the outcome. We dress a certain way, we say the right things, we do the things we are told we are “supposed to do”, and we often create a life that may not always be true to who we are. Too often, we choose not to be vulnerable, because to be vulnerable, to really show up and be seen just as we are… when we have NO control over the outcome, over the thoughts or words of others, over the way we might be perceived or how our story could be changed from what we know to be true… it’s damn scary. It is terrifying to open up, to live authentically as who we are, not as who we know others want us to be. It can feel like a slap in the face to try and show up as you are, only to quickly be boxed back in or not actually seen. The path of least resistance is to stay small and accept that it is what it is.
Pretending robs us. Pretending steals not only today’s joys, the joy of being presently in the moment and living freely as ourselves, but it also slowly, over time, changes our internal makeup and breaks down the person that we actually are, not the person that others would like us to be.
I was recently listening to a podcast with Brené Brown on the Good Life Project “On Gratitude, Vulnerability and Courage” and at one point in the conversation, they begin talking about how hard it is to decide to be vulnerable and truly live your life, but to have people around you who that makes uncomfortable. Sometimes, when we decide to make a change in our life, even on the most simple of terms… think a diet or making a healthier choice with food, it can feel to others like we are holding up a mirror to their own life. Often, when we choose to be vulnerable and show up for ourselves, it can feel to those around us like we are calling them out, even when that is not the intention at all. If you think about this, you just may be able to think of an example in your own life or with your family or friends in your circle. This happens all the time on social media too.
Why am I talking about any of this today? Well, to be vulnerable and to show up not only for myself, but for you. I stopped publishing my blog posts (I have been still writing, just not sharing) because I was exhausted with being vulnerable and sharing. At the same time, I have been working hard at being self-reflective and monitoring my own intentions, what I never want for the people in my life is to think that we just did something for it to become a blog post. I had read a post from someone else about how their blogging and sharing almost destroyed their family and their life. They were authentic and vulnerable, but in return the people around them were not on board with how open they were and it eventually created major problems in their life. I took some time to not post because I wanted to monitor my intentions when I wrote and be careful of how my words could impact the people around me. I needed to figure out a way to share authentically and be vulnerable, while also ensuring that those that I love the most wouldn’t be harmed in the process or that my intentions wouldn’t be questioned or that my stories wouldn’t be altered or perceived in a different way…
AND that my friends… I have learned is impossible, because none of that is in my control.
So, what is in our control? Really, not a lot. That is terrifying and freeing at the same time.
What can I control in regards to the blog? Well, I can control the things I post, I know my true intention and as long as I am monitoring that and being vulnerable, as long as I am remaining true to myself, that has to be enough. I am releasing control over how it is received or how it is viewed. I am letting go of the worries, of the fear of not being enough, and the fear of my stories, of my very personal thoughts and experiences, being misunderstood or twisted.
Why am I telling you any of this?
I hope that it gives you the courage and permission, in whatever way you need it, to stop worrying about anyone else besides the people who truly matter. Sure, we can’t live 100% selfishly and ignore those we love and how it may affect them, but at some point we have to analyze and weigh out and make sure that how we are living our life, day to day, in small moments and big, is truly how we want to be living and not simply living to make everyone around us comfortable.
Dare to be vulnerable, dare to be courageous, and don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you are weak because vulnerability is not weakness, it is daring greatly and we all must be willing to take the risk. Don’t stay small friend, you were meant for more, and I believe in you.
Here’s to pursuing a present, simple life by living intently and always remembering what matters and what doesn’t. Remember to give yourself grace and permission to enjoy the journey. I’m always in your corner, cheering you on, and pulling for you friend!
With love always, Madison
